Patience is a Virtue

Today I lost my temper with our puppy in a moment of being tired and fighting the fatigue and aches of my RA post-Christmas on a cold day. I have a feeling I am suffering from some fluctuating hormones as well – this has happened a couple of times since my hysterectomy. Anywho, my son was getting worried that the puppy who had run off wouldn’t return or would be hurt and my anger and the ugly tone of my voice surprised him. “I’ve never seen you like this,” he told me. He sounded so grown up and I was reminded of how mature he is becoming. And I was so proud of him for speaking up when concerned, and, in a weird way, proud of myself. Don’t get me wrong – I felt small for loosing control, but I was pleased to realize he rarely sees me behave like that. I could have felt bad about a momentary lapse. Instead, I chose not to beat myself up, but to remind myself how often I remain calm and collected in his presence and reminded myself how grateful I am that I don’t have to harshly reprimand him to get the desired response from him when he’s the one not at his best. We’ve made that happen together. And I’m really, really glad about it. Still, it was a reminder for the new year that the most powerful way to teach your children is by modeling behavior. That my past efforts to be the best parent I can be have been well worth it. I’m glad to be in the moment at the start of this year and grateful for fresh starts. Each year. Each day.